sevenhelz

i've had a lovely day today. my period/IBS related back pain kicked in about five minutes into my shower, and hit me much faster than usual, so by the time i could actually get some food and a pill down my throat i was nearly crying in pain. no chance of making anything more serious than cereal when i'm like that, so i really should've had something more once i was feeling okay again. thankfully it reacted to the pill quicker than usual too. but anyway, me being me i thought i'd go into town and collect a few bits and bobs. somewhere between oohing at beef joints and buying stamps at the post office the pain started again, presumably just because i was cold. it's odd to get it so quickly though, i'm only allowed one pill every four hours and up to three a day and i don't usually need that, but this was less than two hours after the first one kicked in. agh. pain. i was trying to walk back and my thighs were numb, if i stopped moving it hurt like hell and only slightly less when i walked. definitely cold. had to stop at the music block and sit in the loo for twenty minutes staring at nothing and warming up a little. i'm so glad it was open, i think it normally closes by then on a weekend... so, i got back and lay in bed for another half an hour or so, went and made some (g-f) pizza, which was okay but by the time it was cooked i was hurting again, went and ate it in bed, then fell asleep again. jesus, my day has been roughly three hours long, and i'm knackered again.
haven't got any serious practise done either; i've blown a few notes but i'm just so tired it's pretty much counter-productive, and i don't have the motivation. this does not bode well for possible recordings next week, for the radio 2 young brass soloist thing. on the plus side, i've got an accompanist and a recording person, only need a piano copy to one piece, a photocopy of the other, and to finalise details of when/where we're recording.
oh, and i got a very pleasant rant email from josh telling me to stop having public strops, after i emailed round trying to explain why i wasn't going to the christmas meal. the whole "christmas" thing is separate really but it seems he was offended by that. it's interesting to note that, of all of the replies i've had to that email, no-one has bothered to actually look up my blog and see my full explanation of what i want to do and not do about that. on the subject of the meal, i don't like feeling so self-centred about it but really, italians are the worst places for g-f people to go. if he'd emailed me, phoned me or even told me on msn that he was sorry about it but this, that and the other, i might not've been so upset but tbh when you find out from a mutual friend that it's been organised it feels a lot like an insult. i chose not to go, not to tell them to take it somewhere else. basically what i got from him was "i'm sick of people stropping when it's always me that organises stuff". andy offered to organise, jemma's organising something and probably would have facilitated the meal had josh not already decided to do so. what am i supposed to say? oh, i'm so sorry, i'll tell you what i'll fix up everything from now until the end of the earth so that if we go somewhere bad for me, i only have myself to blame? okay, call me lazy but i know that wherever you go people will have issues either with travel, food or whatever, and no, right now i do not want the hassle. if i do organise something, such as my birthday stuff, i don't expect people to come and if they say they'd rather not i don't expect half a dozen of our friends to tell them they have to, or they're being selfish or stupid for not doing.
quite angry right now. maybe not totally justified. don't really care.