sevenhelz

err yes it occurred to me that there hasn't been much real postage in the past couple of weeks, perhaps because much of my memory is lost in a drunken stupor. that will have to be ending i think, since my driving practical is on wednesday and OMG i'm actually becoming a little nervous. like, more than i was about A level results. i allowed myself a little flutter about them, but i was really looking ahead to this. it's important to me, not because i want to be able to say i passed first time, but because of the whole freedom thing, and this feeling i keep having of just waiting for something to happen and life to change a little bit. not stupendously, but a little, hopefully in a good direction.

on a completely random note, i had spring rolls tonight. i was wandering round and had cravings. they were very tasty, with a small amount of added guilt/wondering, does this have wheat flour in? surely not, it tastes like rice flour... but anyway after how very ill i have been today (puking up pure wine, or perhaps it was wine and cider) i'm really not that bothered.
yes, i was very very drunk last night. i was actually on the verge of seeing double for several hours, and i distinctly remember saying "don't let me drink anymore for a while" but refusing to drink water because i didn't want to, dammit. i think everyone knew i was really quite sozzled, though i'm not sure if they realised exactly how drunk i was till i carefully and neatly threw up in the toilet. anwyay it was a friendly party celebrating someone's birthday and everyone's results, or commiserating in some cases :( on that note, well done to everyone even if you were disappointed - at least you got through it with your sanity very nearly intact.

i was disappointed on thursday, wanted to go out properly then, but we ended up round a friend's house and not even going to a pub. it was nice and everything, but not quite the lively party atmosphere i was in the mood for. ah well.

i have my new glasses. my eyes have adjusted pretty well, but i'm still getting used to the nose pads and the way they look, which is Very Different from my last pair. jemma first saw them from a distance and was going to tell me off for not wearing them ;) in the excitement of results however not many people mentioned them. meh, at least they're not awful enough that people felt the need to mock me :D

i really should be doing more music practice. i'm keeping going with euph, in fact i'm jobbing for valley brass tomorrow, but my piano practice is non-existant and it's difficult to know what to do in singing. sometimes i wish i could have daily lessons in these things, i feel i need the guidance, but unfortunately reality shoves its way in by saying, erm, you don't have enough money for that, and these people don't have the time. YOU ARE NOT THE ONE AND ONLY STUDENT IN THEIR LIVES. but hey, it'd be annoying if i was, right?

i'll tell you what came up in conversation last night, badminton. i'd love to go playing badminton sometime. it's like swimming, i need to be reminded how much i love it. found out the other day that one of my mates can't swim, or isn't comfortable in water, or something, and i'm determined to take him swimming if only to dunk his head under ;) silly boy. anyway these days i'm starting to walk a lot and cycle more, and it turns out it's quite fun to exercise, when you actually choose to do it. also i would like more muscle. people keep complaining that i'm a girl and don't need any more muscle than i have, thankyou, and shouldn't expect to be as strong as men, and all this kind of thing; it annoys me in ways i can't quite fathom. something to do with the over protective way they then complain about my walking home alone, and the fact that it's my damn body and if making it stronger makes it ugly to you then i'm bloody sorry but you were never my first choice as a partner anyway, or we'd be bloody going out wouldn't we. or something complicated like that. like i say i've been in a lovely alcoholic haze recently so perhaps i will sort my thoughts out when better awake. i just thought i'd post now while i remember really :)

oh the tuesday after next is jemma's birthday. it would be good for me to remember this, since we're apparently going to blackpool on the friday. apparently.
one of the things i hope i will do when i cna legally drive is randomly go for day trips, to blackpool, southport, lancaster, wherever. the money situation does rather mean that i will have to drag other people along and charge them petrol money though. meh, it may just work.

in other news, andrea has a ridiculous number of emoticons, but none of them are a little shaky fist. grr.

a couple of fridays ago i went walking round st helens, for several hours. i rested in parks and took food and drinks, and just wandered round bits i didn't really know. i think i got lost about seventeen times :) and yes i saw some skanky places, and some poor places, but nothing quite as bad as i was expecting, and over on the industrial side of town i found the most beautiful wild park. it had trees planted round the edges in Serious Amounts, blocking most of the road noise, and it was just beautifully rampantly overgrown.

oh, it was lovely seeing auntie jan last week. she's looking thin but well and happy. she declared the cheap hock to be "utterly acceptable" :) mum was being loud and matriarchal, and i think we all enjoyed a random trip to lidl just to show jan what it was like. i drove, and later grandma p rang up to mention how good i was, i mean i didn't even hit anything ;) so it seems that all the family is doing well. chris and suzy got good grades in their exams. rob seems healthy and happy, from what bluecassandra and mum are telling me, other than the damp in the house. hopefully i'll be visiting bluecass soon anyway.

sometimes it feels like i don't actually live in this house. sometimes it's a joy just to be in my bedroom, which has been mine for so long that it reflects me somewhat (disorganised, full of clashing colours and random pointy bits). sometimes i wonder why i don't bake or cook more, and it's because i'm not so at home in the kitchen as i was. it's a shame, or maybe it's just different.

oh i forgot to ever talk about hathy_col's do. it was a great night out, and just sitting and chatting with everyone in the morning felt really nice. i got on well with everyone i think, though i particularly remember simon the music/maths geek, darryl the nutter and enid whose name is really catherine. i hope everyone enjoyed it as much as i did, although i won't be drinking grain vodka again for a while. the gig the next day was particularly joyous, i turned up just as we were about to play in a bloody awful mood and not feeling very well to find my music no longer in order and just AGH. anyways have since found said people on lj, have friended simon and am debating the others... depends whether your life has any relevance to mine really. at least i can understand when simon rambles about band camp ;)

there's probably other stuff i should say... umm...

i like eggs.
xx