sevenhelz

Part of me thinks this doesn't or shouldn't need saying anymore, and certainly not so damned repeatedly, but here we are.

I keep having this conversation:

me: some kind of comment that is not 100% supportive of a person's choice of diet (usually because my views are too long to go into on first bite) or foolishly advises more activity and less restrictions, etc
them: How dare you call me stupid, I am intelligent and sensitive and in touch with my body and you Just Don't Understand!

...

You're right, I don't.

Here's where it gets me: if your size and shape is the kind of thing that's important to you, and you truly believe you can entirely control them through dieting and maybe a bit of exercise (because it's not like uncontrollable factors such as hormones and heritage play a part, after all)... if you truly believe that, how have you suddenly got to the point where you have to take drastic action?
Because I do understand that there are lots of reasons to care about your size and shape and how you're perceived. But I'm not seeing people who are just plodding along, eating healthily like they always do and maybe not getting to the gym quite as often as they'd like. I'm seeing people getting upset about gaining an inch here or there, or worse, Not Having Lost a pound or two.
What the hell?

...Putting that aside for now.

Eating healthily as a product of living in a fit and healthy body, that I understand. Looking good because you're healthy and strong, that's great. Feeling right in your body is wonderful (and everyone has the right to do that, even if they're fat).

Playing some kind of Goodies and Baddies numbers game like counting calories or checking your dress size, I don't get. Not least because those things are bullshit. BMI is bullshit. Note particularly point 3. Again, BMI is bullshit. Dress sizes aren't standard. Calories are a thing you need to have enough of to keep your body going and living and enjoying the things it does. Losing weight and even eating less is, in itself, a fucking stupid aim if you do stuff that works your muscles. Because muscle weighs more than fat, and the more muscle you have the more energy you use simply to exist, leading to those of us who are stronger being heavier and eating more than those who are weak and unfit. If you're ONLY aiming to lose weight, you're aiming to be weak. I don't get why you'd want that. Also, feeling right in your body is probably not going to come from restricting what you eat (relatedly, check out this excellent comic about having an eating disorder. I won't apologise for suggesting that this is the deep end of the pool you're swimming in). Not to mention how much has already been written about how diets don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, DON'T work. You tell your body it's starving, and then you give it food, what's it going to do? That's right, hold onto it in case you starve it again. Same goes for water, and plenty of people are working at a level of dehydration mild enough that they don't feel it, while you can see their stomachs hugging it to themselves in case of hard times. Poor stomachs. I realise this is a radical idea, but maybe we should give them what they want more of?

Partly the attitude seems to be that I have no cause to comment on other people's actions, because they are Better At Dieting than me. They probably are Better At Dieting than me; after all, I've never been on a Diet, to a given understanding of the term.

On the other hand, I spent three and a half years gluten-intolerant, I've spent months on a strict anti-thrush diet (no sugars, no refined carbohydrates ie white bread white rice oh yeah and all of that gluten-free pap), and now that I'm probably the fittest and strongest I've ever been, I eat a protein-rich, varied diet full of vegetables and carbs and cake and good things. I make sure I eat after exercising, not just because it's recommended, but because on the odd occasion I've not been able to, I've felt like crap afterwards. Oh, and just to remind you about how BMI is bullshit; because I have a lot of upper body strength (by most women's standards) my BMI fluctuates between normal and overweight. That's in the course of a month as my hormones take hold, and also in the course of days or weeks depending on how I'm eating and what I'm doing at the gym (I prefer strength work to cardio. All the boys who ever tell me that "women aren't attractive with too much muscle" can go fuck themselves).

I'm pretty sure that for me, the best way to be healthy and happy is to get more active. From spending ten minutes on my bedroom floor working whatever muscle group, to heading to the gym three times a weeks for boxing circuits and weight training, taking in dance classes, swimming, roller derby and everything in between, it is probably more productive and certainly a hell of a lot more fun to be more active than to stop yourself from eating things you like. I'm not recommending it for everybody because it's not proven to work for everybody. It's not even an option for everybody (I'm thinking of people with physical disabilities, who this post is generally not about). And yes, time can be an issue. And yet here you are, putting all of your spare thought into working out your diet. Quite possible spending energy and thinking time on working out how to get away with not eating at a party or night out with friends. Bleah.

Oh, go read the entire of Shapely Prose. And then maybe I don't have to type out a comment as long as this blog post just to be able to talk to you when you're in Diet Mode. And then maybe, just maybe, you can understand with this in the background that I'm not Against You and I *do* want you to look and feel good and be happy and in fact, if it will help, I will give you, my dear friend, a discount for lingerie that makes you look smoothly curvy. Seriously, tell me again how I Don't Understand.

I'm tired of expressing concern for people in a way that feeds into all of the above but, for whatever reason, often because I'm tired, apparently doesn't sound supportive enough. Somehow I'm not capable of not expressing concern. And somehow most of the people I start to talk to take my comments as not only meddling, but trying to tell them that they are Wrong or Stupid. Even if I'm asking a question. Well. Whatever. I'm done.