sevenhelz

Okay, it's like this. If you don't want a casual relationship, fine, don't have one, but don't condemn them to me just because they don't work for you. Just because you're in a situation where you're hoping for something long term, you say you don't see the point in anything else, fine, if that makes you happy. But it doesn't make what happens to me any less valid, any less real, that I don't necessarily aim for or expect a lifelong commitment.

I'mma put myself out here, but this is not the only way it happens that people get together short term.

My life is changing. I'm 24 and living with my parents because I'm trying to join the Army. I'm already Territorial and I want to go Regular; if I do that it'll be in the next few months and not only will I undergo 14 weeks Phase One training, I'll then be down at Kneller Hall in Twickenham* for an undecided period of time before being sent to one of the bands the Army keeps all over the damn place. I don't know where I'll be in six months, and I'd be a damn fool to assume that I'll be in a close enough area to come back to a long term relationship set up in my home town. I'd also be an arrogant fool to assume that anyone getting with me now, for these couple of months, would then wait while I trained and cross fingers with me that I was posted somewhere nearby. I wouldn't expect that of anyone because I don't think it fair. So, right now? Not looking for a long term or "serious"** relationship.

The thing is, I do like spending time with people. I like making connections, and yes, I like sexual relationships, and no, I don't see why I shouldn't pursue *anything* over the next couple of months. I make a point of honesty with people, and because of my situation with the Army (I've had to reapply, so I've been in this limbo a while now) I have lots of practise at this. It's not always easy to start a conversation with "yeah, so, I really like you, but I'm not looking for marriage and 2.4 kids"; thankfully there are ways around that which don't involve misleading people or allowing yourself to hope for something unrealistic.

The other thing is, I have emotions too. I do care about the people in my life, even if I know they're not going to be in my life terribly long. If I meet someone I truly enjoy being with, I'm not vetoing the idea of going for something more than a short term fling; I'm simply realistic about the chances of that succeeding, in my circumstances, and with my history and hangups. That doesn't mean I can't have a successful and caring relationship with a person. It means that you need to expand your definitions of successful and caring. And seriously, quit whining to me that you don't like the way I live my life, when it doesn't impact yours in the slightest.

*assuming I enter as a musician, which is also not confirmed
**that's problematic language for reasons which hopefully are clear