This is fascinating. The idea that only geeks have these problems? Maybe that's only implied but still. So many people think if they're not invited to something, nobody must like them. Or something. Or maybe I'm just a geek ;) x
No, geeks are not the only ones who have these problems, but they are rampant in geek communities, and often in acute forms. The "we have to accept everyone" thing combined with a sense of wanting to exclude results in lots of passive-aggressive behaviour. Then there is the whole bit of explaining that not being invited to something doesn't mean you aren't liked or wanted -- of course, not being invited to *anything* does tend to mean that.
Yes, I do think there's a lot more explaining needs doing in the world. And I think people often make crazy assumptions...
Sometimes I feel like I figured out (most of, I hope) the "rules" step by step, where a lot of people pick them up without thinking too hard, and others just never "get it". I have limited sympathy for those who don't even seem to try - I will try to help to a point, but it does start to wear.
(I'm thinking specifically of a friend at college who wrapped himself up in his depression &/ social anxiety (feeling alone because he constantly put himself apart from us) and refuses to get treatment or help himself. After a close friend of our group had died of brain cancer he happened to be at a party with many of us and seemed down; it turned out to be nothing to do with what the rest of us were still reeling from, but about his own (pathetic) suicide attempt. I can't even explain how frustrating and upsetting that was to all of us... it was just a case of... I can actually see how you can get yourself there, but you can't see that we are sick of trying to help you get out of this... and you can't see that there are other problems in the world, problems not caused by self-indulgence...) ^sorry to rant x
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can has cookie?
can has cookie?
Sometimes I feel like I figured out (most of, I hope) the "rules" step by step, where a lot of people pick them up without thinking too hard, and others just never "get it". I have limited sympathy for those who don't even seem to try - I will try to help to a point, but it does start to wear.
(I'm thinking specifically of a friend at college who wrapped himself up in his depression &/ social anxiety (feeling alone because he constantly put himself apart from us) and refuses to get treatment or help himself. After a close friend of our group had died of brain cancer he happened to be at a party with many of us and seemed down; it turned out to be nothing to do with what the rest of us were still reeling from, but about his own (pathetic) suicide attempt. I can't even explain how frustrating and upsetting that was to all of us... it was just a case of... I can actually see how you can get yourself there, but you can't see that we are sick of trying to help you get out of this... and you can't see that there are other problems in the world, problems not caused by self-indulgence...)
^sorry to rant
x