sevenhelz: photo of me snuggling a cat. my face is not shown (Default)
sevenhelz ([personal profile] sevenhelz) wrote2013-06-24 04:55 pm

(no subject)

Something I jotted down the other day, because I'd like to remember the squee a friend made when I chose their company over cuddles and kisses. It's part of why I don't have so many adventures these days (although said friend pointed out that leaving a party to find cake in the middle of the night is just a different kind of adventure).

It's powerful to say "you're important to me" because it's so easy not to. Because in this culture nobody would openly blame you for pursuing something you evidently wanted, even while disappointed by the message your behaviour sends - that time with them is less valuable to you than something new and untested. You'd be forgiven for leaving with somebody else, and with the best of friends you wouldn't need forgiveness. But there's power in saying that lust can wait. That other relationships matter.

There were two occasions this week where I could've ended up stopping out, and one of them probably would've been innocent. I also thought it would be awkward, for various reasons. There were two occasions I chose to go home alone, and part of me considered this a failure of confidence; the same part that was lonely in the morning. Five years ago I might've made a different decision. It's okay not to be that person anymore, and to look further into the future than the next day.

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