sevenhelz

I'm eating tea and toast, as recommended, probably in thicker slabs than recommended but tough; after 0730 I don't get to eat or drink anymore, which I suspect means I'll be going back to bed sitting up. My cold's gotten worse rather than better, with a dry cough and a runny nose; best I can hope is that the hospital ignore my discomfort and give me the op anyway. So I'm a little nervous, but more in my usual "don't let's be late" "don't let anything get in the way" kind of way I get for any appointment.

Five more minutes. I may end up leaving some of this toast.

I got a phone call just before 10am telling me the consultant for my op was ill and their appts cancelled. I've been assured that I'll be rescheduled as soon as possible but I don't know if we're talking weeks or months, because that little "okay. bye" that came out of my mouth was me mentally curling up in a ball. I feel like I jinxed this somehow. Every time something's gone wrong and kept me from the Army, I've felt like I've jinxed it. By talking too excitedly about it, or by planning too far ahead. There were months when I didn't say a word to anyone about what I was trying to do, or what I was thinking and hoping. There have been phases where I've believed really strongly in Meant To Be.
I have no idea what to do. Perhaps it's time to give up and find a real job.

( Antilamentation - Dorianne Laux )