sevenhelz: photo of me snuggling a cat. my face is not shown (Default)
posted by [personal profile] sevenhelz at 07:33pm on 15/12/2011 under ,
I identify as poly, and have done for a long time, even if it doesn't always affect my relationships. I'm much more wary of new connections than I was when I was younger, so I like to have discussions early on in relationships about the boundaries involved, and it's not always easy to get that when you first know someone; and then so often they aren't happy to live like you want to, or, being as I'm not in an area particularly rich in interesting people, there simply isn't anybody else I'm interested in anyway. So. Not obviously poly, but poly nonetheless.

To me it's a structure that makes it possible to discuss different ways of loving people, a framework that's useful to talk in. It links in to how I can love my family, without romance or sexual desire, and call it love, and love my friends, without romance or sexual desire or blood links, and still call it love, and love my partners, with or without romance and long-term plans and whatever else society expects us to have, and love each and every one of those individuals differently and well.

It means still loving the man I was with in my teens, and being happy to see him doing well, and being glad of our time together despite people thinking our age difference made him unsuitable and despite our having split up.
It means still thinking fondly of the musician I dated long-distance, who broke it off over the phone and whose whereabouts and activities I know nothing of, and wishing him well all the same.
It means that loving the ex out in Afghan and sleeping with (or getting involved romantically with) other people, should I choose to do so, are not mutually exclusive. It seems unlikely at this moment, but that isn't the point. The point is having the option.

And it's caused me (us) problems, and it's not clear-cut, and it's changeable, and that's okay. Just having the concept in my life makes it better. Knowing that I can love, in my own way, and who I want, makes life better.

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