sevenhelz: photo of me snuggling a cat. my face is not shown (Default)

long post are long )

I think I've said everything I needed to here. Good corsets are really cool. Lingerie that makes you look and feel good is wonderful. Paying attention to how you look does not make you anti-feminist. Wanting to display femininity for any reason, including the aim of having a sexual encounter, is fine and dandy with me. But I don't want this corset anymore. It's a thing I'm not comfortable with, and it's a beautiful thing that someone else could love. If you are or know someone who would be interested in it, please let me know at @sevenhelz on twitter or below (anonymous comments are screened).
sevenhelz: photo of me snuggling a cat. my face is not shown (Default)
or at least I didn't tag it right if I did -_-

Phew! No more problem! If only all of life were that easy.
sevenhelz: A cartoon. (simpsons avatar)
posted by [personal profile] sevenhelz at 02:38pm on 18/05/2011 under , ,
[Sevenhelz]

"You were brought up as a boy" is a variation on the "pushy female" or "unfeminine" retorts typically made by men who are fazed by an assertive, highly competent female ie. not somebody bossy for the sake of it, but a woman who understands the value of her own opinions and skills and does not automatically back off when faced by a noisy, aggressive male who either disagrees with her or who can't bear not to be in charge.

Broadly speaking, middle-class male upbringing (especially if it involves public school of any quality) leads them to expect to be in charge ("natural leaders") whereas working-class males still feels they ought to dominate but will probably have to do a lot more shouting and bullying.

Stereotypical female behaviour used to encourage much more manipulative behaviour (see 50s literature on the use of "feminine wiles" to snare men) and encouraged competition between women to weaken women's position vis-a-vis male dominated society.

Nowadays educated and middle-class women tend to be far more self-confident and aware of their rights, and the value of this self-confidence and sense of independence is recognised by the phenomenal rise of "Assertiveness for women" courses at all sorts of levels. Even educated professional women often find it difficult to make headway against groups of men, and that's why there is now emphasis on "networking" and "mentoring" for women, so individuals don't get ground down by the age-old male mechanisms for collectively dealing with threatening females. [Your aunty], incidentally, is a superb example of an assertive professional woman, as opposed to an aggressive harridan - restrained, usually quietly-spoken confidence in what she has to say (backed up by far more homework than most males will do).

Don't stand for being told you're "masculine". You're assertive and sure of your ground (well usually!) and you have a right to your ground (and to your share of the space, the discussion, and anything else that's going).

That's what the feminist revolution was about, and what all the critics who claim "it's gone too far" can't stomach. Going back to the 50s, or even earlier, will not solve the problems.
sevenhelz: photo of me snuggling a cat. my face is not shown (Default)
posted by [personal profile] sevenhelz at 01:25pm on 30/05/2010 under
Because no-one should ever have to say "yeah, that whole date rape thing? where I was unconscious and you fucked me anyway? I'm not okay with that".

Because I don't want to wear a smile all the time, as though it were some magic charm.

Because explaining to your friends that jokes about having sex with women in ways that are unpleasant for them are not funny, because they bring back awful memories, is in itself painful.

Because all music means different things to different people and women are creators and listeners too.

Because coming out shouldn't be so hard.
Because people would hurt one another so much less if they could be honest about their desires.

Because running should be about running, not about what time of day it is and how rough is the area and are you carrying a phone and a torch?

Because it's none of your business whether I'm married, until such time as you might need to know.

Because wanting to be or to stay a woman shouldn't make it harder to get a job.

Because polygamy works for some people, some of the time, and if you don't like it, you don't have to do it. Because honesty is the basic principal of truly polygamous relationships.

Because information and advice about how our bodies work should be freely offered. Because control of our own selves depends first upon knowledge.

Because every time I hear a rape joke all I hear is someone kicking a victim. And because every time a rapist hears a rape joke, they hear affirmation.

Because my hips will never be as slim as hers, but neither will my belly be as full as his, and what harm would it do you either way?

Because it isn't up to you. Did you really need to ask?
Mood:: 'thoughtful' thoughtful
sevenhelz: photo of me snuggling a cat. my face is not shown (Default)
posted by [personal profile] sevenhelz at 10:25pm on 29/08/2009 under , ,
is giving me a lot to think about.
This post: http://fugitivus.wordpress.com/2009/06/26/another-post-about-rape-3/ makes me think about how, myself, maybe I didn't pick up on society teaching me all of that stuff - I forget if I've ever written on the topic, but I distinctly recall consciously working out a lot of social niceties which have since made my life easier (whether I follow the rules for my assigned gender or not)... but I wonder if that's just me wanting to be special, my own INPUWT reaction flaring up? That's a pretty strong one in me, and I'm glad she brought it up... I suppose it's the flip side to I Would Never Do That...

anyhoo, more thoughts later
x
sevenhelz: photo of me snuggling a cat. my face is not shown (Default)
If I don't keep blogging I may end up doing something stupid, like lying in bed crying all morning. So here I shall try to express something that's been floating round my head for several weeks.
what kind are you? )

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