sevenhelz: photo of me snuggling a cat. my face is not shown (Default)
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posted by [personal profile] sevenhelz at 09:48pm on 30/06/2014 under , ,
My thoughts are not coalescing well so this is half-formed. But not malformed.

Something about being meant to be alone, while the Army taught me to truly want to understand people, so that I learnt to value alternative relationships to the Capital R kind.

Something about realising I am not just used to being the carer - I actually *do want* to be the protective one.

Something about being open to adventure and perhaps too quick to seize upon true connections.

Something about learning to do things alone    because I want to do them regardless of the company    but further, realising I can enjoy my own company.
(work in progress)

Something about while doing awesome things, realising with joy that they would really piss off the bastard ex, and noticing that that matters, and is not a bad thing.

Something about being comforted by things that I learnt to love when I was quite young, despite now being able to see problems with them; something about criticising from a place of love.

Something about realising that not every encounter has to be epic, and that being able to have non-epic encounters is the stuff that long-term relationships (small r) are made of.

Something about odd childhoods, and something about recovery, and learning to live.

Something about seeing negative traits as hang-ups from childhood, and how that relates to the self and others, and which different standards or expectations I apply where.

Something about how "people who love one another take care of one another" is a dangerous model to live by if you are not safely amongst others who live by it.

Something about realising that if I can endure being alone to do mundane things, I can also embrace it.
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