sevenhelz: photo of me snuggling a cat. my face is not shown (Default)
posted by [personal profile] sevenhelz at 12:30am on 27/12/2011 under , , ,
I think it's kind of uncool to like Alanis Morrisette, but I'll admit I was influenced by her, growing up. I listened to music on repeat, those days, to hear how it was being made, try to get into the heads of the performers, and of course learn the lyrics (I've always found it difficult to follow any kind of accented singing voice, and various tones make it hard to make things out). I've just been talking briefly on twitter about mutuality, gift-giving and expectations in relationships, and my take is always that as long as there is mutuality, some kind of reciprocation, I'd never worry too much about how it's done; my brother, for instance, just bought me a book because he "owes me a present", which prompted a brief discussion of the term "owe". Culturally we're taught to expect that people exchange Things, the bigger and better the Thing (or the more well-planned) the stronger the relationship. There's no getting away from it, we're all part of the culture, and in truth we do like these tokens of affection, as much as we appreciate the objects themselves (books and music are particularly precious to me, and that someone knows this is a sign of how close we are). I'd like to think I can appreciate the positive, generous side of that, the reminder now and again to be sweet to one another, without making people feel the negative pull of obligation, shame or embarrassment that they haven't or can't reciprocate. And back to Alanis... This is the song I've been thinking about (lyrics here), and while I think living like that entirely is a path to being abused, it... would be nice if it were possible to love that way. Another one that I remember wondering at was 21 things I want in a lover - that lyric, I figure I can describe it, since I have a choice in the matter - seems like something that needs saying. Especially as a young woman, I'm glad I heard it. I'm fully aware now of how much (and in what ways) I fit the societal ideal, and I know that someone who expresses attraction is not doing me a favour. It's not something I'm obligated to return.
I feel I should say more, but before the inevitable cheese sandwich craving hits, I'm going to watch some of The Princess Bride.

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